Christmas Story From A Hospital Bed

It was two Christmas’s ago when I found myself in the hospital fighting for my life.  I was so out-of-it due to pain medication that I can hardly remember much in regards to the experience anymore, but I do remember that moment when I wanted to just die and move onto the next life.

As I lay still by myself with tubes and wires extending from my hands and arms in the darkness of what was, I couldn’t help but compare myself to my father.  Is this how he felt when he was laying by himself in a hospital bed, miles away from his family on Christmas day?

I was only two months short of his age when he passed away on December 27, in 1996.  I thought I was healthier than he was at this age.  I can only imagine the sadness felt by my mother and my siblings as history served a cold reminder of my father’s passing. 

“Dad, help me through this.  This can’t happen again.  Not like this. Not now at Christmas again. Please Jesus give me the courage and the strength to live.”

There was no warmth of a Christmas tree, or the festive colors of blue, white, yellow, green and red in the darkness of the cold and lifeless critical care room.  Yet, the night felt just as holy as the Christmas nights that had passed within the security of my own home.  I then realized that it was the love within my own heart where I found that familiar warmth and comfort. 

 

Christmas isn’t about shinny lights, brightly decorated homes, and wishful presents; it’s about gratitude and that simple exchange of love between caring human beings. Our love is our legacy; it’s what we leave behind in this world, and it’s the only thing we can take with us into the next.

And no matter how dark and desperate the times may seem, you are never alone.  Love is a constant companion, which is why I consider Christmas 2014 the best Christmas of my life. I received a special gift that year, a deeper awareness of love.  Even now as I think back on that night, I feel so terribly blessed to have experienced such suffering, and to be able to share this story with you today.