THE POWER OF WORDS

Whether we like it or not, the thoughts and opinions of others can and do influence our lives.  In December of 2014, I woke up after exploratory surgery to find that I now had to wear colostomy bag (temporarily).  While I was more concerned about simply walking again and regaining my strength, I found that most of my family and friends put more emphasis on that colostomy bag.  “Don’t worry Kim, it’s just temporary. The year will fly by in no time.”  Then they would shoot me that look; the one of pity as the visitor waved goodbye.    

 

The hospital supplied me with information regarding how to care for this instrument that was attached to my abdomen.  They told me I could go swimming, and work a job just like before.  Yet my family frowned and said there was no way I could work as long as I had to wear this bag.  What if you get in an embarrassing situation?  What if you have to empty your bag, or even worse yet, what if you have an accident, like a blowout?

I did eventually have that blowout.  I just happened to be at home when it occurred, and my other half was there as well.  If this accident had happened at work, it most certainly would have been one of the most embarrassing moments in my life, and I don’t think I would have been able to cope rationally.  I would have probably run out of the building screaming.  It would have been just as bad if I was at home alone. 

I suddenly came to realize that I had a handicap.  I filed for short-term Social Security Disability.  I answered hundreds of questions regarding my current situation.  And eventually I found myself playing the victim, instead of being a survivor.  I even found myself in the hospital a second time.

This time I had drains hooked to both sides of my body.  I had four total; three of which I had at the same time.  This went on for about 5 weeks.  It really sucked and I knew I had to do something about it, if I was going to have any chance of living a full and happy life again. 

The colostomy bag was mute in comparison to the drains that hung from my sides.  One of the drains had to be flushed daily.  It wasn’t a pleasant experience by far.  Every once in a while I would move the wrong way or too fast and I would feel them pulling at my side.  One of them eventually came lose from my body.

When the drains were finally removed, I felt free.  Even with the colostomy bag, I felt this heavy burden lift from me.  I had lost a lot of weight and strength in the past 6 months due to my illness, but I’m no longer a victim.  I’m a survivor! 

So please, don’t think of me with pity in your heart.  Do not plant the seeds of doubt in my mind by telling me what I can or can not do.  If anything, demand of me now as you had before.  And I in turn will do the same.  Only then are you a help instead of a hindrance. 

Never forget that your words and actions carry power. 

 

 

 

FINDING YOUR SELF IMAGE AFTER THE HOSPITAL

I always had said, “If I wind up in the hospital and have to quit smoking, I will never pick the habit up again.”

Well, been there, done that, and I haven’t quit smoking.  Not all the way anyway.  I left the hospital on January 3^rd, and the first thing I wanted was a cigarette.  There was no stopping me, “Dam it, I want a cigarette NOW!”

Before I unexpectedly entered the hospital, I was only smoking five cigarettes per day.  I wanted to quit.  I’ve quit the habit off and on for the past four years.  So why was I so determined to smoke another cigarette, after not smoking anything for over two weeks?

Well, for one thing, I was angry.  I was angry at what had happened to me.  I was weak and struggling just to walk.  On top of that, I now had to wear a colostomy bag for damn near a year; then it’ll be surgery number three at Christmas time again.

When I left the hospital, I couldn’t even look at a computer screen for more than ten minutes for the first two months.  Even today I still have problems focusing, and I still can’t sit in front of a computer and work like I use to.  My wife often times reminds me that I’m lucky to be alive.  And I realize this.

Still though, a battle waged inside of me to put myself together again, like I use to be.  I even caught myself eating chocolate and candy like it was going out of style, because I had lost weight during my hospital stay.  I felt weak, like I needed to buff up; anything to put Humpty back together again, if you know what I mean.

Smoking cigarettes was my way of taking back my life.  It was the one thing that I had control over.  I felt like a grown-up again, instead of some ill-stricken little kid.  If I’m going to stop smoking, it will be my chose; not because I have to.  It was important for me to feel strong and in control, because I was feeling like a total indolent for the first month, if not longer, after two surgeries.

Now I realize why my brother didn’t quit smoking after landing himself in I.C.U. with chronic lung issues several times.  He’ll be on oxygen for the rest of his life, due to chemical exposure.  Eventually he gave them up, but he smoked for a good eight years, after the big event.

I share this story with you, in case you know someone who is stepping out of a hospital, due to some major circumstance beyond their control.  Be a little understanding. 

If it wasn’t for a movie I seen this past weekend, and a comment made by a visiting friend, I would have never realized why I felt the need to pick up a cigarette, after not having one for seventeen days.  Now that I am aware of “why,” I think maybe I will exercise some more control and quit smoking all together.

 

 

 

SPRING EQUINOX

Spring is a time to return to the fire.  The equinox is a magical time when water and fire (winter and spring) blend together.  This is an opportune time for creative expression and to invoke the energy that will assist you in making things new within your life.  In short, it is the season of creation and expression of the new.

New seeds begin to sprout, flowers bloom, and Earth begins to resurrect herself. Even the Christian religion celebrates the story of the sorrowful Crucifixion (the old) and the promise of resurrection (new life) during this time of the year.  Easter is the one holy day determined by the stars.

The seasons are designed to promote specific evolutionary needs, by exposing us to the universal cycle of influence.  The spring equinox is a time when the veil between the physical world and spiritual are thinned, thus inaugurating the two worlds and pushing us out of the Earth and into the air, like a sprouting seed.   

So roll away the stones of limitation and allow the light to shine upon you.  Wiggle your way out of that cocoon and spread those new wings; it’s time to fly!

 

 

 

CHRISTMAS IN THE HOSPITAL

As I lie still by myself with tubes and wires extending from my hands and arms in the darkness of what is, I couldn’t help but compare myself to my father.  Is this how he felt when he was laying by himself in a hospital bed, miles away from his family on Christmas day?

I’m only two months short of his age when he passed away on December 27, in 1996.  I thought I was healthier than he was at this age.  I can only imagine the sadness felt by my mother and my siblings as history repeats. 

“Dad, help me through this.  This can’t happen again.  Not now.  Not like this.”

“Jesus, comfort me on this Holy night, as you have so many times before.  Wrap me in your love till I glow like a Christmas tree.  It would be so much easier to surrender to you here and now, but please give me the courage and the strength to live.”

There was no warmth of a Christmas tree, or the festive colors of gold, white, yellow, green and red in the darkness of the cut and grab critical care room.  But, the night felt just as holy as the Christmas nights passed within my own home of love. 

I felt better knowing that my dad most likely felt the same way on that Christmas holiday in 1996.  He wasn’t any more alone than I was at this moment in time.  My dad is with me this Christmas night, along with the spirits of love that crossed before me. 

Apparently, my Christmas wish was gifted that night.  I’m still here and doing much better than I was.  It wasn’t only my wish that was granted, but also the prayers of those who shinned their love on me that holiday season. 

In case you didn’t read it on a Facebook post, or I didn’t get a chance to tell you personally - thank you.  I love you all; each and every one of you.  I don’t even have to know you; I love you, because in the end, love is all that matters.

It’s kind of like when someone you know dies.  All the bad things you may have felt about that person just dissolve and disappear in the atmosphere somewhere.  We become forgiving and the only thing left is the good that we remember.  Our love is what shines on in this world; and it’s the only thing we can take with us to the next.

Love on while you can ~ Peace out!

 

My Dad



PRAYER FOR THE PHYSICAL BODY - Love Honor & Respect Yourself

The following is from a book called, “The Circle of Fire.” The author, Don Miguel Ruiz also wrote the international best seller, “The Four Agreements.”   The Circle of Fire is a book of inspiration and guided meditations for living in love and happiness – in short, it’s a feel good book.

 

Today I propose that you start a brand new relationship with your body.  I propose that you treat your physical body just as you would treat a precious loved one in your life.  Stop being selfish with your physical body, and give it whatever it needs to be healthy and happy.  Can you do that?

Today is a new day, a new beginning for you to give gratitude to our physical body for everything it does for you.  When you learn to lover your physical body, every activity can become a ritual of gratitude where you fully express the joy to be alive.  Every time you wash your body can be a prayer of gratitude to God.  Every time you eat can be more than a prayer; it can be a celebration of life because you are giving food to God so that life can keep going.  Beginning today, you can change your relationship with your physical body, and your whole life will change.

Prayer for the Physical Body

Today, Creator, I promise to make a new agreement with my physical body.  I promise to love my body unconditionally as my body loves me. I promise to protect and take care of my body.  I will never again reject my body, abuse my body, or be ashamed of how it looks.  From now on, I will accept my physical body as it is.  I will enjoy my body, and be grateful for all the pleasures of life it gives me.

 

Forgive me, Creator, for believing all the lies about my physical body.  Forgive me for judging my physical body against a false image of perfection.  Forgive me for everything I haven’t liked about my physical body.

Today, Creator, help me to see my physical body as a living temple where you live.  Help me to respect my body, to love and honor my body.  I know that to treat my physical body with respect, love and honor is to respect, love, and honor your creation.  Help me, Creator, to give my physical body whatever it needs to live in perfect health, harmony, and happiness with you.  Amen.

WHO AM I?

I am not one. I am two.  I’m lying in this hospital bed, and I’m not alone; someone shares my body with me.  My eyes open, and I see masked people in uniforms moving about me everywhere.  Primal instinct screams with resounding vibration - “I got to get out of here!”

I look down at my hands and my wrists are tied at my sides to frigid metal.  I yell, but I can not hear my voice.  Then something bolts from my chest and flees in fear.  A bird, the eye of Ra, and other symbols pour out and fill the room. Within my gaze the symbols circle a black bird.

Why have I split in two?  Who is in here with me?  This place is cold!  It’s dark and heavy.  I want to die!  Erase me!

 

This is what I experienced when I found myself in the hospital this past December.  I had just gone through a second surgery, the day after the initial operation.  The entire experience was a nightmare.  I feel ill simply writing about it.  

Why did I have to experience this dark underworld of the shadow land?

I think on some spiritual level, the entire ordeal was a rite of passage, or maybe a test. I had to face my fears and conquer the darkness of my own soul, so that I may evolve to another level.

Or maybe it was a lesson I had yet to learn?  After all, many people I speak to consider my belief in alternative healing to be a little unrealistic.  And I did find myself in a situation where my beliefs where challenged by traditional medicine.

Just two months previous I had the same symptoms that had landed me in the hospital, and I had healed myself.  No doctors, no surgery; just a strong belief in self healing, some herbs and creative visualization.  But, this belief did not leave much room for trust in those who made it their mission in life to heal others in a more conventional way.

I found myself questioning the intentions of my “greedy” doctors.  I was at their mercy.  I was totally dependent on their intelligence and ability. Healers, nurses, doctors, friends, prayers, you name it.  I even found myself totally dependent on my spouse as well.  Suddenly she was the one behind the wheel making household decisions and paying the bills. 

Corporations filled me with their pharmaceuticals, and then doctors cut me from my stomach to down south of my belly button.  They had their hands all through my guts; moving and rearranging things while searching for infection. 

I am not the same person I was by any means!   It’s taken me a minute to heal; I’ve had to move slower.  I see things a little differently these days.  I learned to not be so critical/suspicious of others.  And I learned that the best things in life are the ones that shine with love. 

When I finally left the hospital, it was the warmth and the love I found within my home, with visits from loved ones that lifted my spirits the highest.  Love is a powerful thing!  And I am so surrounded by it in many, many ways.   As we all are.  We are bound together by love.

I can go on and on about how barbaric and broken modern medicine can be, but instead of being negative and criticizing the profession, and in a roundabout way, those who chose that career, I think maybe it would be better if I simply share the positive information that is available regarding healing in general.  After all, pain pills are great!   

It is events like this that define who we are.  Who am I?  I choose love.

 

 

 

EXPECTATIONS - How to get out of a Speeding Ticket

If you look for the bad in people it isn’t hard to find, especially if your thoughts are focused on the negative aspect of persons personality or beliefs.

Take for instance my dog, Chewy Two Toes.  Chewy gets very excited when friends and family visit our home.  She acts like an overly excited bouncy dog with ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder), and she has a bad habit of jumping on people as they enter the door making their way to be seated.  Yet I can project how badly Chewy will act before hand, when I am aware of who is going to visit, due to their expectations of Chewy’s behavior.  Her behavior is much worse when others expect her to act badly.

Another example:  A person, who is afraid of dogs, is most likely to be bitten or attacked by a dog.  Animals (and humans) can sense fear.  When someone is fearful of you, you get kind of defensive.  I know I do.  Instead of being an open loving soul, you put a wall up as you ready for attack. 

The same is true if you regard someone as good natured; that goodness will resonate. 

Next time you get pulled over by a cop for speeding or whatever, send good thoughts towards the officer who is pulling you over.  I’ve done this twice and both times I walked away without a speeding ticket.

The first time I was in Ohio, a state that makes a living off of speeders.  I know because I use to live there.  We were visiting from Florida; we had out-of-state tags, and I was doing 80 mph in a 55 mph zone.  My wife was flipping out.  Her daughter was getting married, and she was late for a salon appointment.  Luckily I didn’t get so wrapped up in the drama that I forgot what I was taught.

Right away my thoughts went into action, “That officer is a nice looking young man.  It’s a beautiful day, and he’s in a good mood.  He doesn’t want to give me a ticket.  In a few minutes I’ll be on my way without a speeding ticket or without going to jail for driving so fast.”

And guess what, it worked.  Not once, but twice.  The second occurrence just happened yesterday. 

A deputy sheriff pulled me over for doing 53 mph in a 30 mph zone, as I was exiting the beach.  I just about forgot what I was taught in regards to my thoughts, until the wife asked the question, “I wonder how much this ticket is going to cost?”

Right away, I changed my thoughts as I described in the traffic stop in Ohio, “This kid is a good cop, he doesn’t want to give me a ticket.”  And again, I walked away without a ticket.

The secret is learning to discipline the mind.  The more you practice.  The easier it becomes.  Keep your thoughts pure and choose to see the good in people, instead of the bad.  When you find yourself thinking badly of a person, look at their good qualities and focus on the positive instead of the negative. 

The information is available to us to make the world a better place to live.  We just need to choose to use it.  Make it a loving, happy, positive day ~ expect only the best out of yourself and others.